Outlet

2020-03-17

Everything is not okay, but that is okay.

I used to log on here if I was feeling unproductive or creative, but now this blog has become an outlet of sorts for me to sort out my thoughts and feelings. Basically life is very chaotic and confusing right now, and I’m not sure how to feel about anything anymore.

I’m going through some stuff with my relationship, with school, with the pandemic, and with this constant desire for personal growth. Basically, there’s a lot going on. And, although I’ve gotten to a pretty good place with controlling my anxiety and stress, it still gets unbearable from time to time. Right now, I am trying the “fake it till you make it” method. It works for some situations where I have concrete facts that convince me to not freak out, but not for everything.

I think the majority of my stress and confusion stems from having to make big decisions that shape my future, whether that be regarding career choices or relationship decisions. All of these decisions are the type that have no “correct choice” and have very convincing pros & cons for either direction. Ironically, there being no wrong choice leads me to more dillema because no matter what choice I come to the conclusion of, there is never a full satisfaction in justifying that choice.

I honestly don’t even know what I’m trying to get across here, maybe just to rant. I bet there are tons of people out there that are in the same ditch as me, which is why I want to go out and meet more new people that can relate to my struggles and can understand what I’m going through (when even I don’t understand myself lol)

PS. Note to self, I need to set up some sort of subscription box/ notification system to alert people that care of a new blog post, etc. But I also have to clean up some posts/ writing/ grammar before I do that

2020-03-17 1:53 AM,
Stella