May 2020 Reflection

2020-06-01

May was full of ups and downs, but it was a good start to my roaring 20’s nonetheless!

Updates

The future is definitely looking brighter, here in British Columbia, Canada. The curve has flattened and we are in phase 1 of a 3 step, province wide plan to return to normal from being in quarantine / social isolation.

I am very grateful and lucky to have spent the last month in isolation alongside my boyfriend and his family, as I am a very anxious person by nature and would’ve went insane if I had to live alone for two entire months.

Productive things I’ve accomplished

  • secured an internship for summer 2020!
  • kept on top of summer courses
  • daily workout challenges with my best buddies, Jun and Rav

Unproductive things I’ve accomplished

  • video games - Stardew Valley and Valorant
  • lots of Amazon orders
  • baked lots of cookies

Now what?

There wasn’t a heck lot that happened in May to reflect on, which is fair considering there wasn’t a heck lot that we could do during quarantine. The one thing that stood out to me is how covid has brought out trust issues for me. After having my internship, my best friend’s flight home, and a subletting contract cancelled, every opportunity that I seeked after that was with an unhopeful atitude and low expectations. Even after securing some form of collateral, the anxiety and uncertainty that it could get cancelled at any moment was still there at the back of my mind. I’m not sure if I’m the only person that developed this, or if others feel the same way? My guess is the latter.

Also, this is kind of irrelevant, but I feel like I am slowly losing sight of my new years resolution that I set for this year. My anxiety was pretty bad at the beginning of May, but I think it’s getting a bit better now, as quarantine phases out. I think it is worth to read back on my January reflection blog post to remind myself of goals and such to focus on. I remember feeling a lot of self growth at the beginning of the year compared to now, so I’m going to read back and either revive those goals or set new ones to continue my journey of self growth and anxiety control.

POV: It is May and you’ve forgotten all of your new years resolutions

How ironic… I just finished reading my January reflection and the basis of my new years resolution is to “be more spontaneous and confident,” neither of which are things I am sporting right now. I want to use covid as an excuse for my indecisiveness and scepticism, but I know that would be unreasonable. Despite how messy and unpredictable things are right now, worrying about little things and going back and forth on decisions does not help my situation. Logically, this makes sense, but to my anxious mindset, it does not. I need to spend this month working on calming down those uneasy thoughts worrying about the smallest details and try to focus on the bigger picture.

Starting June 1st, I have an internship duty and a summer course to keep me busy. This will likely help take my mind off of the abundance of choices that my anxiety can choose to dwell on. I will try to be more mindful this month and try to be more spontaneous and confident in my decisions.

Aside (irrelevant project idea)

I had an idea to create a subscription list for these blog posts to 1. share my thoughts and lessons with more people and 2. use it as an opportunity to learn mongoDB

Welcome to June,
Stella